The criminal and the cop

Today I started talking to a guy who's about to become to go into law enforcement. He seems like a nice guy but i was thinking to myself. How does that look when a person of the Law id dating someone who ignores the law. My driving record isn't as nice looking as it once was. Currently I have a SDL and I've been arrested and thrown in jail(It was petty nothing serious). But i have a record nonetheless. It seems almost as bad as the Preacher dating a stripper.

He gave me his number so I texted him so he would have my number too. I appreciate so much that he was thoughtful enough to tell me he'd text back after the weekend because he was going to be really busy working on a paper. So lets see if he follows through. I'm used to guys telling me they'll call me or text me back and then don't( like MaMa's Boy). So I'm not going to hold my breath, but this guy seems different.

So when is it the right time??

So a thought occurred to me today. I'm not sure what I was doing or where i was but i guess that isn't really important. My question is when do you tell a guy about all your falsies and removables? I know that sounds crazy but if you think about it for a second hopefully you get where I'm going with this. I'm very open with my friends about my wig. I think everyone knows that I wear one. It's not because I'm going bald. I just hate my own hair and it's such a BITCH to deal with.  But at some point after being involved with a guy it will reach that point in the relationship where my wig can no longer stay on my head(no amount of bobby pins can keep that thing in place when.... uummm yeah you know) So to spare that embarrassing moment when it accidently comes off, It's better to be upfront about it. But when do you make this person aware? I mean obviously It's not 1st date talk material or even 2nd date talk material. This is something I should probably figure out as long as I'm wearing a wig. I have been thinking to switching over to a sewn in weave for a little though. But it's not just wigs, women wear all sorts of fake body enhancers, like chicken cutlets, How embarrassing is that when he takes your bra off and those fall out?  I have big boobs so thankfully I've never had to experience that. Oh and Spanx. They do an amazing job at sucking you in underneath your dresses but what happens when he's trying to pull and yank this skin tight thing off and then your thighs go all jiggly? Can't say I've ever dealt with that either. But I'd imagine it's a source of discomfort at some point when it comes to "that time".


I can recall this time when i was with "Late night Jew" and we were making out and he went to pull my hair and my Ponytail came off... I just looked at him and was like "yeah by the way the ponytail isn't real"  i can recall feeling so embarrassed. I almost thought i'd die. I usually try to warn guys not to tug or pull on my hair because its not permanent. I just wonder what they are thinking when i say that. I don't have a good history with my hair staying on. It just moves all over the place and a few times I've just thrown it across the room because i was annoyed with trying to keep it on.  I've been asked once by a guy why i don't just wear my natural hair. I Hate my own hair is my response. So the wig and weave can be embarrassing but so can my real hair.  The moisture from the sweat and the friction from my head rubbing against the pillow just mats my hair up and i look like a troll afterwards. My hair is thick and coarse so i can't just use my finger to brush it down. I actually have to use a real brush and comb to make my hair look presentable so... either way isn't that great.

I guess I really don't need to spend too much time thinking about it since I don't plan on being that intimate with a guy till we are in a committed relationship. So i've got some time. Things are pretty stag at the moment.... but I have been planting some seeds out there so we'll see what sprouts.

32 years and counting

Yesterday my parents celebrated 32 years of marriage. I think it's great. I envy my parents and I hope to one day find someone and be married forever. My Mom said it was Love at first sight. I'm not personally 100% sold on the idea but apparently it happens. And I'm glad it happened. I think that having a good relationship model to look at gives me a better understanding of how a marriage should work. It's not enough to Marry for Love. There's more that goes into the equation. They dated for 5 years before getting married though.Since I'm on a 5 year plan I'm not sure i have 5 years to date someone first and also I just don't have the patience. Something  you may or may not know about me is that i can be quite impulsive. If I knew it was right and He was the one I might just  jump the Gun and get it over with quickly then throw a huge party later. Maybe I would then save some money on a full scale wedding although  i guess most of the money is spent on the reception.  

I hope my parents stay together forever. They make me believe in that Fairy tale love that I hope to one day have or at least come close to having. I know love and relationships aren't perfect and they have their ups and downs.  Growing up I was one of few kids at school that didn't have step parents and i thought my parents were perfect. After I got older like once i turned 18 I've had some real conversations with my mom and I've discovered that my parents aren't perfect, but I do thank them for not ever fighting in front of me. I think its wrong to involve kids in any drama the parents are having. Not to put my parents out on blast. But i can recall this one time where I saw my dad sleeping on the couch as opposed to with my mom and it was really awkward and a little shattering to the image i of have of my parents. I hold them on the highest of pedestals and It's just... well not sure of what the right word should be, but It's almost like earth shattering and heart crushing.  I don't know. I just realized how ridiculous that sounded. but It's how I feel in the best way i know how to put it. Regardless of their imperfectness I still hope to have a long lasting fun marriage like my parents have had.

Running into your past

Its so great when you run into your past flings. NOT. Do you know how hard it is to get past a frist impression? That's why first impressions are honetly so important. So the other night i get a message from this guy and I'm a polite person so i respond. We chit chat back and forth and then i click on his pictures. I thought to myself wow this guy looks kind of familiar and his user name was a little familiar too. But I was like *Bleep* is a very popular name, so it could be anyone. Then he told me about his job and  I was like wow this guy sounds even more familiar.We both figured out at the same time that we knew each other previously. We kept talking for a little. He sounded like he had changed but I just couldn't get over how i remembered him. On My list he is refered to as "Reefer *bleep*" because i had dated a guy before with the same name. So as his name may suggest he was a huge pot head.  So his name for my blogging purposes only is "Hotel Reefer" because he works over night at a hotel. Which is the exact same job he was doing when I met him back in 2005. Now I know I can't throw too many stones bceause I still work in a call center, but I'm also in college working to do something else with my life. He on the other hand isn't doing much that i know of with his. 

One of the reasons it didn't work out between us is because i just felt like he was a loser. The first night we talked on the phone we stayed up All night, Like I got to see the sun come up. It was so nice. He sounded so great. But everything I ever needed to know about him and all his stories he pretty much told that first night.  Weed rotts yours brain and his was certainly mushness because his stories just kept repeating. and all the time I had to hear about how he just wanted to move to Hawaii and live on the beach and Smoke weed. That's no kind of life for me and there was no way our relationship would go anywhere. Plus the sex wasn't that great either. It was horrible.  So even though he sounded like maybe he changed i just can't shake my impression of him. and he's an adrenaline junkie now. What kind of relationship would that be? I'd constantly be thinking about how one of these days he won't be there because he did something stupid and got himself killed.


Well speaking of the past... The other night when i was hanging out online I got a message from someone else I used to know like back in the day 9th grade. I used to have a crush on him. But he was dating my BFF at the time( i think i understand why I got the homewrecker award now) So we were having innocent talk at 3 am(which mind you never seems to stay innocent) then our conversation turned. It got really intense and needless to say It ended well and I slept well. The next morning though i was like hhmm so now what?? I mean we didn't have physical sex but can we still talk with out the wierd akward feelings?

Sorry If it seems like I'm ignoring you at the bar...but I'm going home alone

Uuumm how am I supposed to take a drunk guy seriously? He's had numerous drinks and I'm sure he's wearing his beer goggles So of course my Boobs are going to look like steak on plate just calling out for attention. But what happens when He's not drunk and realizes that maybe the whole package isn't as good as he thought it looked when he was drunk??? I'd be idiot to go home with him. Any girl who does, well shame on you. It is definitely more the exception than the rule that you can meet a guy worth your while at a bar. How shitty would you feel the day after when you've basically been dissed by this guy who sold you a bill of goods? I mean it happens even when people are sober, but drunk guys are ridiculous and are a lot more focused on banging a chick then starting a relationship with her. I've been there done that. I learned my lesson.  Bars are bad places to meet guys for anything meaningful and long term. But If you are a whore and you are just looking for your next score then bars are your playground.

Realizing I wasn't going to find Mr. Right at the local pub has definitely made my life easier. In my younger years I blew so much money on scandaliss clothes to wear out at night so I could look just as hot if not hotter than the other girls out on the town because i thought maybe it would pay off. The only thing i got out of it were phone numbers that filled my phone but collected dust because the guys were all losers, some free drinks, and just awful(I mean like horribly bad) meaningless sex. So I'm very glad that I'm not the girl any more. There were times where i questioned my sexuality. I thought maybe If I played with girls I'd have more fun.  But there's nothing like a mans touch(to me) that drives me crazy and the way his body heat sets my nerves on fire and I love how his scent lingers on my skin while i drive home.  As i was saying though. I've saved money on clothes because I'm comfortable enough to be able to go to bars in a t-shirt and jeans. I'm only going to hang out with friends and they don't care what i look like. It's so much nicer being casual while drinking instead of wondering if my nipples are showing. From time to time i will dress up to go out but it's more to fit in. I don't always want to be Casual Carla ya know? I love love letting my boobs out for some fresh air, a tan, and showing the guys what they can't have.

He didn't call

So after I wrote my last blog I contacted MaMa's boy and was like hey we haven't talked much and asked him how he was doing. Obviously because we don't talk I don't know. He apologized and said he would call me. I never got a call though. My feelings aren't hurt. I'm grown up I can handle it. It is and will always be disappointing to get your hopes up and have them stomped on with steel toe boots. So I'm done. 

It was probably a good thing that this didn't get off the ground. We can't even find time to have a 1st date or hang out or even call. So what would that mean for a relationship(If it got that far)? I just understand how hard it is to text.Its 2011 pretty much everbody texts. Girls like to feel like they are thought about. This would be entirely different blog if sent a message and said I know i was supposed to call but i'm tired and i can't stay up till 10 when you get off work(or something along those lines). I just honestly feel like I don't exist in his world. He doesn't message me unless i message him first. Communication is like #1 reason couples don't work out. Men and Woman are just so different in the way they communicate.

So how long do I wait....

I'm not one to quit too soon. I'm going to keep trying till I just feel like it's not worth it my time. And I'm Definately feeling like He's( MaMa's boy) almost might not worth my time and energy anymore. I take lightly to be jerked around. Don't tell me We'll go out on a date on Thursday then Its pushed back to next Sunday then next Sunday turns into Tuesday and It's Tuesday today and nothing. If you are busy that's one thing. But i hate this game. I like a good Cat n Mouse chase as well as the next person but this is dragging out and for what? We don't even talk. I have no idea what's going on with him. Ive given my number to him a couple of times and told him to call me or even text me and nothing. I'm kind of over it. The flame was lit but uumm I think this flame has died. I can't do it. Don't talk a good game and not follow through.

Today is supposed to be the day....

So today, Sunday, is supposed to be the day that MaMa's Boy and I were supposed to have "the best date ever" however he has to work. He gets off at 8:30 which isn't really late. I sent him a message stating that I wouldn't mind hanging out after he got off work, after all I am a creature of the night.  He responded back with: i might do something after work with u, as long as i see u im happy. How sweet of him to say that. As soon as i saw that message in my facebook inbox i felt the excitement swell up inside me. Prior I was excited about the date but doubtful. I mean his big thing for "the best date ever" was to do lunch or dinner. That seems so plain Jane, played out, been done a million and one times. How was this dinner/lunch  date going to be different from all the rest. I was totally thinking like he was going to try to sweep me off my feet. Do something that's unusual and different. Something bold. I will admit I love watching Millionaire Matchmaker, so my mind was off in LaLa land thinking that maybe we'd have a date like that. Like take me to a pottery class and play with clay or a picnic on the beach (provided it's not a windy day) or a hot air balloon ride. I mean honestly the possibilities are endless. It just takes some creativity and balls. None the less The idea that it doesn't really matter what we do as long as he gets to see me means a step in the right direction.  


So maybe something will happen tonight or perhaps I'll be waiting till Tuesday.  

5 days to go

I haven't heard from Mama's boy at all so I will say i'm a little nervous. when someone goes silent and you don't hear from them it's possible they are busy which means that there is an increased chance that something is going to get in the way. We were already supposed to go on a date and it didn't happen because he was busy. It sucks I mean there isn't anything i can really do. On my part i've been trying to make sure my shit is together because i don't want anything to stop me from going on this date. Still not sure what i'm going to wear. I might need to go shopping. I don't think my closet has what i need. I'm praying that this goes down. Being built up with anticipation and being let down is such a crappy feeling. It's like crashing.

On a side note, totally different topic(guy) Hoopster and I havent been chatting as much as we were before. And our conversation has changed. Its a lot more dirty and short. I almost get the feeling that the only thing we'd turn into was a hook up. I've been there and done that many times over(and no and i'm not particularly proud of that) but it happens. So I'm currently debating on weather or not to cut my losses now or wait and see? I mean honestly i have no idea what his intensions are. I think its too soon for me to ask. and if it is just a hook up its counter productive to my over all goal.

What should i wear??

So I'm supposed to be going on this date with MaMa's boy next sunday.Im super excited about it but the day isn't going to come fast enough. So far details don't existent. We haven't talked about it. So while i've been trying to contain myself and keep up with all my work I've also been trying to figure out what I should wear? I want to look hott not slutty but like she's perfect to bring home to mom and spicy enough that i can't stop licking my lips.  That's the look i'd like to achieve. I haven't gone on a real date in so long i'm starting to get nervous. oh all the pressures... like what to where? how much do i talk? do i offer to pay for things?

So what should i wear? i honestly don't think i have anything in my closet that says "I'm perfect enough to bring home to mom but you're gunna be licking your lips all night" i might need to go shopping... so Yvonne( i know you're reading this) what are your thoughts on this??  I'm usually either showing cleavage galore or i'm in t-shirts. i dont have many  tops that are in between. perhaps i should go shopping for a new outfit.

Don't shit where you eat... but what happens when it follows you to the table

So I was thinking about all the couples at my work and that have worked with me and I always think to myself , what happens when they break up and they still work together? SUPER Awkward. As a rule of thumb i really try to just not even go there. I've been there done that (i'll tell you about him another time). wasn't fun. But there was this one time that i did hook up with someone who eventually ended up working at my job for a little. That was really odd. Sometimes he annoyed the crap out of me and sometimes i didn't mind chatting with him because there was no one else to talk to. He was definitely a pervert. By the time we were working together he had a girl friend and constantly he would make comments about taking break together and going out to my car and giving him head. I would just brush it off because i'm not one to make a scene. but there were times where i was so tempted to say something to a supervisor but decided against it because I knew he really needed the job. I mean perhaps that's not really my concern. He should know better. But I just couldn't do that to him. So instead i just dealt with the uncomfortableness.
But what does one due if someone you have dated or hooked up with starts working for you??  I mean in this economy people need to work and it's really hard to find a job so you can't just get up and walk out. Is it right to allow someone to make your work place uncomfortable?? No not ever. But i'm just the kind of person who would just rather deal with it so that person can provide for their family.  Now if that person didn't have ties to extra people like children and a wife I think perhaps i would be less hesitant to blow the whistle and say something. But for me anytime i've had to work with someone who made work uncomfortable  they always had extra baggage.

So no matter how cute a guy is at my work i'm just not going down that road again and hopefully i don't ever start working somewhere where i run into someone i've been with or someone i've been with starts working at my job.

His words made my heart leap

So "Mama's Boy" and I have been chatting on and off over the past week. We are both busy people though  apparently. This past Thursday we were supposed to go on a date but i never heard from. I didn't get upset over it, I've been crazy busy myself. He did write me to apologize and told he'd make it up to me and "Take me on the best date ever" and my response was like "Ok, Awesome".I know classy, right? So he responds with "yea u deserve a great guy, would u give me a chance hun" i read that and i felt my heart skip a beat. I mean no one has ever said that to me and i thought it was really cute. I didn't know what to say though. I've been thinking about those words none stop. I mean a chance like this doesn't present itself everyday( at least not in my world).But it took me over a day to write him back and the only thing my fingers could type before quickly hitting enter was "OMG....are you for real?"  I'm like 110% positive that is not the response he was looking for ( on the bright said I didn't say no). A part of me wants to say 'Yes' so badly. He's a sweet and genuine guy but i have a few reserves. 1.) Our schedules 2.) He's really a nice guy and I don't want hurt him( because some how some way I'm sure i could manage to) 3.) Distance, he lives in Orlando-ish. I think i failed to mention that to you earlier.


I could use some advice. I'm not sure how to answer him and asking a question in response to a question won't get us very far. Perhaps i'll have to see how the date goes first, right?? It's no good to jump the gun or put the cart in front of the horse. Like how horrible would it be if someone spent $60,000 on a vehicle before test driving it and then after they got it realized it was a stick shift and they hate driving manual or realized they didn't fit inside the car?? One word: DISASTER! I'd laugh at that person and call them an Idiot. Like Who does that? But I do owe him an answer and like a good answer not some cheesy line from a movie. Like "You're a great guy and all but I don't think we'd work out. we 're just two different people" or classic line "It's not you, It's me" Or " Let's just be friends". If my decision is 'Yes' then does a simple "yes" work? or do you have to get fancy be like "I'd love to" or "You had me a hello" 


I'm so nervous my butterflies have butterflies. This could be shot to have a decent relationship that quite possibly lasts longer than 4 months or it could be just another relationship that goes no where.  I'm so over bad relationships with crazy crack heads, liars, and douche bags.