Profile pictures

So I was bored and I thought I'd go check out who's out there on the dating websites. UUmm are you kidding me?!?! I feel like there's a horrible double standard going on or perhaps it's all in my head. As a female I feel like I have to have glamour shots up just to get noticed, but these guys have up blurry photo after blurry photo on their profile or pics of them in hats and sunglasses. I don't know about you, but sunglasses can make ugly people look good. I mean if  I posted a bunch of photos of myself with sunglasses on I'm quite confident that the number of responses I get would be few and far between so why is it OK for guys? Guys don't take pictures like girls do I get that, but now a days every cell phone has a camera on it, go stand in your bathroom mirror and take a goddamn clear picture of your face. Men aren't the only visual creatures. Women also like to have something nice to look at too.  Looks aren't everything, I'm fully aware of that, but considering I'm not accidentally bumping into this guy in public and having a random interesting conversation that makes me want to know about him even though perhaps he's not the most attractive guy does mean you need to peek my interest with something.

Maybe I'm just being ridiculous, but I think that guys should at least try to make me want to talk to you. A blurry photo doesn't make me want to message him  and say hi. Pictures of his dogs do though. Pictures of him and some girl don't make me want to send him a message or wink at him. I don't care for a bunch of pictures of  him from far away surfing or wake boarding or fishing or kayaking. Reading that he does that in his bio is good enough.I do like tattoos so sometimes I like when a guy posts a picture of one of his tattoos up close, but it's overkill if he more than 2 photos of his tattoos Write about it in your bio. Gang signs and him posted up like a wanna be thug aren't appealing either. If I wanted to date Rick Ross I'd be hiding out by his tour boss and stocking his record studio. Photos of guys with children are cute, however if they aren't his I kind of feel like you should save that for facebook.  Perhaps I'm just being super critical though. I'm sure someone could probably have a field day with my profile but my pics are only of me. I don't include pictures with me and friends. I crop them out I don't need the competition. I know how sleazy guys can be and I don't ever want a message that asks for my friends number or to partake in a 3 some. Thank Goodness my friends are too prudish for that. Also I don't post pictures of me that are blurry or 5 years old Keep it current, you know you don't look like that anymore.

I could  have a field day telling you what guys write in their bios. Sometimes I definitely feel like sometimes it's too much, there's not much else to say or talk about after that. I know everything about you, so what are we going to talk about?

Some people turn their noses up at online dating, but for some people it's a convenient way to meet people for whatever reason. Humans are naturally creatures of habit(in my opinion) and sometimes there are people that just don't go everywhere. I go to the gym, then home, then work, then home sometimes, it's school, home, work, the gym. every once in a while I might thrown in an outing to a bar or movie or restaurant. Generally always the same places. That's a very small pool of people to meet and going out all the time to everywhere isn't really who I am, online dating provides a much wider selection of people to meet. But again I  don't be on them every day. It's one of those things where I'm like bored and there's nothing on TV and no one to text and nothing on you tube I'm interested in watching. Although If I get an e-mail that says I have a message in my inbox I'll go check obviously. But I'm not an active member, online dating is my backup plan to my backup plan.

Maybe he's cute, maybe he's not....maybe he has a giant zit on his nose, maybe he doesn't... maybe he's cross eyed, maybe he's not. He might have a Mike Tyson tattoo on his face, which btw isn't that awesome looking


Would this picture make you want to message him?  well I guess if you were really into photography you might.

"I'm too busy for a relationship, but..."

I've always hated when people claim to be "too busy" for a relationship. I feel like unless you work 50+ hours a week,  have an on-call job,  or travel a lot for work you have no right to say I'm too busy for a relationship. Anytime someone says that line in the back of my mind I'm thinking What a cop out. If you weren't interested that's all you had to say. I bring this up because I ran into a guy from my past last week. I happened to be at his job and I saw him and we started texting again. Stupid me. After a couple days I remembered why I stopped talking to him in the first place.  So apparently in his eyes I'm only good for one thing. It's very apparent because every conversation we have always ends up in the same place. So during one of our conversations I made it clear that if  he wanted what he wanted from me he'd have to be dating me. His response was, "I work a lot and don't have time to put into a bf gf thing...i'm open to something like meeting up 2-3 times a week if you were". Those were his exact words. I read that and wanted to just throw my phone. I don't understand how that even makes sense. You don't have time for a relationship but you have time to meet me 2-3 times a week for sex?? I think that's a bunch of BULL SHIT.  

So my conclusion is that he doesn't want to be in a relationship because of financial reasons. Going out on dates is not cheap. It can't be time, he texts me all day and if you have time to meet up 2-3 times a week that's time that could be spent going out to dinner, hanging out, watching a movie, etc. Possibly It could be his last girlfriend was a nag or crazy or something so he just doesn't want the frustrations and complications associated with relationships. Perhaps maybe he's just not interested, but I think I'm quite interesting.  I could be here all night trying to guess why he has presented this ridiculous proposal. I decline any such offer though. I'm not that kind of girl. I'm so much better than that.  

I wish people would stop using that excuse unless of course they legitimately don't have time for a relationship.  I would hope that both parties are adults, If the other person understands that you have a busy life you can make something work if you really want to. Seriously, If you are that interested in another person than you will make any necessary changes to fit them into your schedule. If you aren't really interested you're a lot more likely to not make much effort for anything so of course it wouldn't work. I'm a very understanding person. If some guy I liked told me he had a busy schedule but was still interested in trying to make something work I'd be all for it. I have a life too. I'm not just sitting at home all day doing nothing and waiting for his every text message. We all have days off work and even though they may not always match up doesn't mean you can't find time for each other. If you meet the right person time doesn't have to be an issue. Some women require a lot of time and then there are those women that don't require all your time because they have their own life too and there every waking moment doesn't involve their boyfriend/companion/significant other/etc.

So there's this guy and...

So there's this guy that's been talking to me. I'm 100% positive that he likes me. We've never met that I can recall. I'm not even sure how I know him and how we started talking but my intention is never to be rude. I'm just not that kind of person. So I've indulged and I've talked back. When it was just texting he didn't seem to bad. I was thinking PROSPECT but now i'm thinking FRIENDS ONLY. We talked last night on the phone. He's not at all what I'm looking for. He's 31, which is a little older than I'm looking for. He doesn't have a ride and lives in Palm Coast, FL which is a good 20+ minute drive for me. I like to date people with rides because sometimes it's nice when someone comes to pick me up every now and again instead of me driving every where all the time. I don't mean to sound shallow or insensitive but intellectually I'm not sure he can keep up with me (That's about as P.C. as I know how to be). Sometimes you can just kind of tell. He doesn't like sports and I love sports and I want to be able to hang out on the couch on a Sunday afternoon and watch football with my boyfriend(whenever I can find one worth my time).  He also said something that kind of concerned me. He said his last girlfriend was my age,24, and that they had dated for 7 years. If I do my math right than he was dating her while she was 17 (that's a little too close to being illegal for me). Anyways that's not really the part that bothered me the most. He mentioned that she had cheated on him a total of 2 times throughout the relationship and that he wouldn't mind going back to her.  After I heard that my skin was on fire. WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU WANT TO BE WITH A CHEATER??????

I don't take kindly to cheating, although I have been the other woman on more than one occasion so I get how someone could see my comments as hypocritical, but personally speaking I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a cheater. Maybe if a guy did it once I'd be able to forgive him but I'd make him work like hell to make it up to me. If there was a second time, I'd be out the door faster than superman could change into his costume. First and foremost, I don't need a man in my life that bad. So if he can't treat me like I deserve to be treated than I don't need to waste my time. Secondly, there are too many complications involved when someone you're dating becomes a habitual cheater. There's those random messages from other woman flaunting it in your face that they've slept with your man, there's the risk he brings home some disgusting disease and passes it on to you, and the dreaded "she's pregnant and it's mine" conversation. I don't want to have to deal with any of it. If he can't keep it in his pants than I can't stick around. Just how I feel.

The only plus this guy has going for him is that he has a job, which is super important because I don't want to be stuck paying for everything. I try to be open minded but I know what I want and I don't want to waste my time pursuing something I know isn't going very far.

There's another prospect, however I'm thinking this too is a waste of my time. I'm not ready to make a full assessment yet, but I've been around the block several times and so far in the few conversations we've had I can already smell disaster coming.  Who knew finding someone to date could be so hard. My boyfriends don't last longer than 3 months and I haven't been able to find anyone worth trying to attempt to make it to at least 3 months with. FML!

I had a 7th grade moment

So if you know me then you know that I could give two shits about a guy who stops talking to me. I never make a big fuss. In my world when one guy stops talking to me there's at least two other guys who I can start talking to. But for some reason this last guy that all of sudden stopped talking to me annoyed the shit out of me.  I mean after all I did drive an hour and a half  at 11 O'clock at night to see him and then after that I don't get any response at all? Am I not entitled to some sort of response? 

After spending the night with him I developed a sore throat and I had it for a few days I thought I would message him and make sure he was OK. I don't like to cause other people to get sick. That's not who I am, so i was genuinely concerned but he said nothing. My feelings were a little crushed. We talked for a long time leading up to that night and now i'm just cut off and not a second thought is being given about me like I was left overs tossed in the trash. I mean I don't know if maybe I seemed to give off the impression that I wanted to take his last or have his child or even start a relationship. I truthfully just wanted to make sure he was OK. I guess shame on me for giving a DAMN about someone other than myself. 

So anyways after like 3 weeks of no returned text messages in an adolescent fit I sent him a text message that read "I guess I'm not good enough for you to talk to me anymore...If you're dead that sucks but if you're alive YOU SUCK". Like I said that kind of behavior is not who I am so I'm really surprised that I did it. What's wrong with me? I've always prided myself on not being like those other psycho chicks out there who go crazy and I just sort of stooped to their level for a second. Hopefully that never happens againthough.  It made me realize that I care too easily and I should learn to keep a distance til I know it's in my best interest not to.  

people shouldn't text when they are angry, you might say some things you can't take back 

My dating rules

So as I've stated before I'm seasoned. I've obviously failed a lot but I've learned from every experience. So I've developed a list of rules for myself that may or may not be so effective.

So at the top of my list is meeting men at bars. If there's an alcoholic beverage in his hand and he's trying to take my number I can't take him seriously. Been there done that and it's never worked out well. So I've decided to just avoid it. If a guy approaches me with a drink in his hand or I can tell he's slightly intoxicated my mind has been trained to think he's looking for one thing and that's not what I'm willing to offer.

If he can't bring me around his so called roommates that's a 'red flag' and he's not worth my time. We're all adults and if I can't be around your roommates your ashamed or hiding something. I live with my parents and I'd bring a guy home in a heart beat even when I have a reputation of bringing guys home and then my parents never see him again. It's a running joke in my house. I can't blame my family though. I make jokes about it to. I told one guy once that It's OK if he came over because no one will expect to see him again. I think it came off wrong though. He didn't think it was funny. I was just being honest. I knew I'd never talk to him again after the night was over.

Guys with kids. It's cute but I run. I can't help it. I've been there done that and it didn't turn out in my favor obviously. People who have kids together can't help but to try to work it out or make each others lives a living hell. None of which I want any part in. It worse with guys with young kids, but given my age I'm not looking to date anyone who has a 14 year old cause he'd be over 30 and that's a little old for me and i'm not sure I would want to be hanging out with a 14 yr old. I'm only ten years apart and sometimes I still feel like a young person, so i'm not sure i'd be a good influence anyways.

I don't date bums. If he's not working it doesn't work for me. And not just cause I don't want to pay for everything. Actually my biggest fear with guys who don't work is that they're going to have way too much time on their hands and they're going to want to text me all day or hang out all the time. that's not who I am as a dater. I don't want to talk to you every waking moment and I don't want to spend all my free time with you either. I need my own time. I dated a guy who would text me all the time. It was SUPER ANNOYING. I always wanted to reply with " GET A LIFE" but I thought that was rude(kind of appropriate though).

I don't date shut ins. If I'm going to date a guy he needs to have a life and friends. I want to be able to take him out with me and my friends and in return do the same with his friends. Plus again I need to know while I'm off having a life he's doing the same so i don't feel guilty about not texting him all the time or spending all my free time with him either. I'm social and I like social people. If his idea of a good time is playing video games all day in his boxers and not having any person to person contact, that concerns me. It's important to me that who ever I date is not socially awkward and it's safe to bring him around people.

I don't date guys who lack ambition. I have goals. I think goals are important to have in life. Being around someone who doesn't have goals for too long scares me because I don't want to fall into a complacent state of mind. It also has the potential to end things, because if I'm trying to do things and go places and the one I care about doesn't want to there's no reason to stay together.  I want the one i'm with to care and be supportive and go along on the ride with me. Success is more satisfying when you have someone special to share it with.

On a first date there's a 4 beer maximum. If you have to drink more than that to spend time with me then I'm obviously not worth your time. I want to remember the date when I wake up the next day unless of course it was a horrible date. Then I'll drink till I can't walk straight. It's a huge turn off to be a first date with someone who can't stop drinking. It makes me feel like I'm not interesting enough for him sober and I'm not into drunk dating.

If He stands me up, even just once and the excuse wasn't that his foot was being cut off in the ER from a bike accident I don't want none. I've been stood up numerous times and it's still a horrible feeling. It never gets easier. But I can't trust a guy after that. How hard is it to send a text? or hit up my facebook? Everyone these days is fully connected.

I don't really want to meet a guys buddies on a first date either. I'm trying to get to know him alone without the extra distractions. I'd like to get to know him a little before I have to get to know his friends too. It's a huge turn off.

I don't like double dating. If we haven't been together for at least a few months (like 3 or 4) going on a date with another couple is nauseating. I'm just saying. I'm not a fan because this is what happens, the other couple usually has been together forever so they know each other pretty well and they have so many stories and there's that awkward moment when they ask a bunch of questions or when they are being lovey dovey and I'm thinking to myself I've only known this guy for a few weeks, I don't know his favorite color or remember his birthday and last time I checked we still haven't had sex so there's a lack of affection and now i'm being forced to watch some couple I just met slobber all over each other. CHECK PLEASE! 

I might be doomed ....

Apparently I suck at dating or I have horrible taste in men. Either way I'm Fucked if I plan to get married off one of these days. So as i'm bored laying in my bed because that's the only thing that has been remotely comfortable because my body hates me and decided it wanted to make my life a living hell over the past three weeks. I've been sleeping a lot and just aimlessly lying in bed staring up at my ceiling. I've had all this time to think about my past. I started off sleeping with guys on the first date because I wanted to say a BIG Fuck You! to dating rules. I think it's BS that I would be expected to wait 4 dates or a couple months before sleeping with someone just because some book said that's the rules. FUCK THAT we're all adults here. I want it and he wants it, what's the big deal? Why does everything have to be so damn complicated. I hate the dating game. It blows. So anyways I eventually said well sleeping on the first date isn't really working for me so maybe I should try it the other way. The first time I tried it was with the Scam artist. It was great. I mean I never knew I had enough to control to say 'no'. I was dying though. I really wanted it. But since I thought he was a really great guy I didn't want to risk it. We spent every night together for like a week. No sex. It was actually perfect then he fell off the face of the earth and stopped texting me, calling me, didn't respond to my e-mail either. What a huge blow to my confidence btw.  I didn't want that one experience ruin it for me so I tried it again. I was talking to this guy. We hung out a few times with no sex and then poof he stopped texting me. I have to admit it hurt my feelings. If I sleep with a guy I don't hear from him again but If I don't sleep with a guy  I still don't hear from him again but I guess at least I still have my dignity and that's one less name on "the list".

I find myself confused and pretty hopeless. I mean I'm damned either way which kind of makes it pointless to even pursue.  I'm still trying to be pretty hopeful in the long run maybe all that I've had to endure will pay off and I'll finally meet Mr. Wonderful, but I can't help but get exhausted some times. It's been a really long disappointing  hopeless lonely road.

Official Honest moment #3

So recently I started thinking about my past. While on this journey traveling back into my past I didn't like what I came to realize. I didn't love myself. At the time obviously I wasn't able to realize it but I am now. There's no way I loved myself because a person who loves herself doesn't sleep with as many people as I have. It could have easily been an addiction or a terribly awkward phase in my life. But by engaging in the behavior that I was I put myself at risk for all kinds of problems. I could have easily become a mother, although my ovaries are retarded so the likelihood was very slim, but still possible. I could have easily contracted some life altering disease or found myself in a position that doesn't just go away by clicking your heels 3x and mumbling "there's no place like home".  I wish I knew what was going through my mind or why I was so careless. I know there were times where I felt ashamed and there are certainly plenty of men that were a total waste of time. I wanted to stop but I didn't seem to know how to control myself and say 'No'. It's like I felt obligated to go through what I started out to do. I'm not sure why I felt obligated though. My only guess is that I didn't want to a disappointment to him even if it meant degrading and devaluing who I was. I try to be a person of my word and I hate not following through on things but I  forget where to draw the line. Luckily age has worked in my favor and I seem to have moved on from all that. I think I have grown so much as a person over the past year and a half but I don't know if that person that I was is capable of returning. It kind of scares me. I think I've always been a bit of a attention whore my whole life but not in the best of ways sometimes.

I'm going through a physical change in my life and when I like the way I look again and others, mainly guys, notice am I going to be able to resist the intoxication of all their attention? Am I strong enough now to do what I couldn't do before?  Do I love myself enough to say no? It's definitely something that I should think about and prepare myself for.  I'd like to believe that once a whore doesn't mean always a whore. People can change. I have to have hope that I am one of those people. I think I love myself... I'm certainly not proud of all the things I've done with my life but not all of our actions define us as a person. There's so much about me that is worth loving.