So every time I see little people(babies & small children) I instantly go"Man, I want one". I would say since I was 22 I have really wanted to have a child of my own. Since I'm not in a position to have one obviously it hasn't occurred but it doesn't stop me from wishing I had one or had the ability to fast forward my life so I can be in a position to have one. "To each his own" however for me I would really like to not have a baby while being unwed or at least headed in that direction. I want my baby to grow up around me and their father without any of that extra drama involved with parents that are no longer together. I would like to be in a good financial situation. Babies are expensive I know this. I can barely support myself so why would I want to add another life to the equation. So I don't currently have the right hand in my eyes to be bringing a life into the world. I want one though. I'm trying to hurry myself along so I can have the upper hand. Time moves at it's own pace though and there is no rushing it or slowing it down.
I must admit I suspect that maybe possibly I might not be able to have babies without assistance. I haven't been able to prove my infertility, but given things that have gone on with my ovaries and past experiences I just have my doubts. I could be wrong. Hopefully I'm wrong, but I guess we will see, eventually.
This wanting a baby thing is a very strong feeling. I just wish i had something to distract it or take the place. I think having a puppy would be great. I live at home and my parents aren't crazy about animals at all. I had a cat (RIP). I had to put her down because she was old and dying and not eating and it was just her time. I was sad about it. After like months later I thought maybe I could have another cat, but I got shot down. SUCKED!!!!! I really miss having a 4 legged furry thing following me around and wanting my love and attention and sleeping with me and feeding it and taking care of it. Cats aren't as playful as dogs which is why I would like a puppy but that's not going to happen as long as I'm living at home. I wonder what my parents would say if I told them " If I can't have a puppy, I'll just have a baby instead". Oh, what an interesting conversation that would be. I can already see my parents cursing me to hell and back. There's a possibility they wouldn't even take me seriously though. FML!!!! I can't have a pet, can't get a date, can't have a baby.... seriously?!?! what the fuck can I do? SHOPPING!!! but that require me going into more debt. I mean like I would need at least $100,000 to cover the amount of retail therapy I would need to feel better. Where's a sugar Daddy when you need one?
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