I just can't immagine

It hasn't happened yet but within the next four months I'll be saying goodbye to my brother. He's going to jail. It really sucks and I hate it and I'm sad about it, but no matter what I feel it's not enough to keep him free. There's a lot I have to process and I'm not sure how it's going to feel when it actually happens. The next 10 years( hopefully less) are going to be spent talking to my brother through letters and maybe the occasional phone call if possible and infrequent visits. Who ever thought? I mean i've already started to cry and I get upset every time I have to think about him being in jail( like right now). I mean my brother and I don't have the greatest relationship. We don't even talk that much. But he's still my brother and I would never wish this for him and I LOVE HIM SOOO MUCH. As I was thinking about how I needed to blog and telling someone about my what was going on with my brother I had the sudden thought what If my 5 year plan comes true and I do get married I'd be having a wedding and my brother wouldn't be there. I started balling (I'm so glad my music was up loud). I Love weddings and I sometimes think about what mine would be like and My brother is always there. I would honestly be very sad if i did get married and my brother couldn't be there. It would really super suck. 


I can't say I know what's going to happen in the future its possible that in 5 years I'll still be single and no closer to getting married than I am today, but a lot can happen in a short period of time. I try to be positive but that doesn't always happen. I can't imagine getting married with out my brother but is it fair to my groom to make him wait? I'd hope he understand, but you just never know. On top of that How long do I wait? It's possible he could get out in 81/2 years but I'd be 32. I would really like to get married before 32. But again I have no idea where I'll be in my life in 5 years and I'll really need to think about this more when the time comes. Then while I'm thinking about how much it would suck not to have my brother and I'm talking to my B.F.F. I also think what happens if something tragic were to happen to my dad and both my Dad and Brother weren't around by the time i was ready to get married. SCARY!!!!!! My family is everything and I hate even having these thoughts.  i need to put them out of my mind for now. At this present time everyone is healthy and available.