32 years and counting

Yesterday my parents celebrated 32 years of marriage. I think it's great. I envy my parents and I hope to one day find someone and be married forever. My Mom said it was Love at first sight. I'm not personally 100% sold on the idea but apparently it happens. And I'm glad it happened. I think that having a good relationship model to look at gives me a better understanding of how a marriage should work. It's not enough to Marry for Love. There's more that goes into the equation. They dated for 5 years before getting married though.Since I'm on a 5 year plan I'm not sure i have 5 years to date someone first and also I just don't have the patience. Something  you may or may not know about me is that i can be quite impulsive. If I knew it was right and He was the one I might just  jump the Gun and get it over with quickly then throw a huge party later. Maybe I would then save some money on a full scale wedding although  i guess most of the money is spent on the reception.  

I hope my parents stay together forever. They make me believe in that Fairy tale love that I hope to one day have or at least come close to having. I know love and relationships aren't perfect and they have their ups and downs.  Growing up I was one of few kids at school that didn't have step parents and i thought my parents were perfect. After I got older like once i turned 18 I've had some real conversations with my mom and I've discovered that my parents aren't perfect, but I do thank them for not ever fighting in front of me. I think its wrong to involve kids in any drama the parents are having. Not to put my parents out on blast. But i can recall this one time where I saw my dad sleeping on the couch as opposed to with my mom and it was really awkward and a little shattering to the image i of have of my parents. I hold them on the highest of pedestals and It's just... well not sure of what the right word should be, but It's almost like earth shattering and heart crushing.  I don't know. I just realized how ridiculous that sounded. but It's how I feel in the best way i know how to put it. Regardless of their imperfectness I still hope to have a long lasting fun marriage like my parents have had.

Running into your past

Its so great when you run into your past flings. NOT. Do you know how hard it is to get past a frist impression? That's why first impressions are honetly so important. So the other night i get a message from this guy and I'm a polite person so i respond. We chit chat back and forth and then i click on his pictures. I thought to myself wow this guy looks kind of familiar and his user name was a little familiar too. But I was like *Bleep* is a very popular name, so it could be anyone. Then he told me about his job and  I was like wow this guy sounds even more familiar.We both figured out at the same time that we knew each other previously. We kept talking for a little. He sounded like he had changed but I just couldn't get over how i remembered him. On My list he is refered to as "Reefer *bleep*" because i had dated a guy before with the same name. So as his name may suggest he was a huge pot head.  So his name for my blogging purposes only is "Hotel Reefer" because he works over night at a hotel. Which is the exact same job he was doing when I met him back in 2005. Now I know I can't throw too many stones bceause I still work in a call center, but I'm also in college working to do something else with my life. He on the other hand isn't doing much that i know of with his. 

One of the reasons it didn't work out between us is because i just felt like he was a loser. The first night we talked on the phone we stayed up All night, Like I got to see the sun come up. It was so nice. He sounded so great. But everything I ever needed to know about him and all his stories he pretty much told that first night.  Weed rotts yours brain and his was certainly mushness because his stories just kept repeating. and all the time I had to hear about how he just wanted to move to Hawaii and live on the beach and Smoke weed. That's no kind of life for me and there was no way our relationship would go anywhere. Plus the sex wasn't that great either. It was horrible.  So even though he sounded like maybe he changed i just can't shake my impression of him. and he's an adrenaline junkie now. What kind of relationship would that be? I'd constantly be thinking about how one of these days he won't be there because he did something stupid and got himself killed.


Well speaking of the past... The other night when i was hanging out online I got a message from someone else I used to know like back in the day 9th grade. I used to have a crush on him. But he was dating my BFF at the time( i think i understand why I got the homewrecker award now) So we were having innocent talk at 3 am(which mind you never seems to stay innocent) then our conversation turned. It got really intense and needless to say It ended well and I slept well. The next morning though i was like hhmm so now what?? I mean we didn't have physical sex but can we still talk with out the wierd akward feelings?

Sorry If it seems like I'm ignoring you at the bar...but I'm going home alone

Uuumm how am I supposed to take a drunk guy seriously? He's had numerous drinks and I'm sure he's wearing his beer goggles So of course my Boobs are going to look like steak on plate just calling out for attention. But what happens when He's not drunk and realizes that maybe the whole package isn't as good as he thought it looked when he was drunk??? I'd be idiot to go home with him. Any girl who does, well shame on you. It is definitely more the exception than the rule that you can meet a guy worth your while at a bar. How shitty would you feel the day after when you've basically been dissed by this guy who sold you a bill of goods? I mean it happens even when people are sober, but drunk guys are ridiculous and are a lot more focused on banging a chick then starting a relationship with her. I've been there done that. I learned my lesson.  Bars are bad places to meet guys for anything meaningful and long term. But If you are a whore and you are just looking for your next score then bars are your playground.

Realizing I wasn't going to find Mr. Right at the local pub has definitely made my life easier. In my younger years I blew so much money on scandaliss clothes to wear out at night so I could look just as hot if not hotter than the other girls out on the town because i thought maybe it would pay off. The only thing i got out of it were phone numbers that filled my phone but collected dust because the guys were all losers, some free drinks, and just awful(I mean like horribly bad) meaningless sex. So I'm very glad that I'm not the girl any more. There were times where i questioned my sexuality. I thought maybe If I played with girls I'd have more fun.  But there's nothing like a mans touch(to me) that drives me crazy and the way his body heat sets my nerves on fire and I love how his scent lingers on my skin while i drive home.  As i was saying though. I've saved money on clothes because I'm comfortable enough to be able to go to bars in a t-shirt and jeans. I'm only going to hang out with friends and they don't care what i look like. It's so much nicer being casual while drinking instead of wondering if my nipples are showing. From time to time i will dress up to go out but it's more to fit in. I don't always want to be Casual Carla ya know? I love love letting my boobs out for some fresh air, a tan, and showing the guys what they can't have.

He didn't call

So after I wrote my last blog I contacted MaMa's boy and was like hey we haven't talked much and asked him how he was doing. Obviously because we don't talk I don't know. He apologized and said he would call me. I never got a call though. My feelings aren't hurt. I'm grown up I can handle it. It is and will always be disappointing to get your hopes up and have them stomped on with steel toe boots. So I'm done. 

It was probably a good thing that this didn't get off the ground. We can't even find time to have a 1st date or hang out or even call. So what would that mean for a relationship(If it got that far)? I just understand how hard it is to text.Its 2011 pretty much everbody texts. Girls like to feel like they are thought about. This would be entirely different blog if sent a message and said I know i was supposed to call but i'm tired and i can't stay up till 10 when you get off work(or something along those lines). I just honestly feel like I don't exist in his world. He doesn't message me unless i message him first. Communication is like #1 reason couples don't work out. Men and Woman are just so different in the way they communicate.

So how long do I wait....

I'm not one to quit too soon. I'm going to keep trying till I just feel like it's not worth it my time. And I'm Definately feeling like He's( MaMa's boy) almost might not worth my time and energy anymore. I take lightly to be jerked around. Don't tell me We'll go out on a date on Thursday then Its pushed back to next Sunday then next Sunday turns into Tuesday and It's Tuesday today and nothing. If you are busy that's one thing. But i hate this game. I like a good Cat n Mouse chase as well as the next person but this is dragging out and for what? We don't even talk. I have no idea what's going on with him. Ive given my number to him a couple of times and told him to call me or even text me and nothing. I'm kind of over it. The flame was lit but uumm I think this flame has died. I can't do it. Don't talk a good game and not follow through.

Today is supposed to be the day....

So today, Sunday, is supposed to be the day that MaMa's Boy and I were supposed to have "the best date ever" however he has to work. He gets off at 8:30 which isn't really late. I sent him a message stating that I wouldn't mind hanging out after he got off work, after all I am a creature of the night.  He responded back with: i might do something after work with u, as long as i see u im happy. How sweet of him to say that. As soon as i saw that message in my facebook inbox i felt the excitement swell up inside me. Prior I was excited about the date but doubtful. I mean his big thing for "the best date ever" was to do lunch or dinner. That seems so plain Jane, played out, been done a million and one times. How was this dinner/lunch  date going to be different from all the rest. I was totally thinking like he was going to try to sweep me off my feet. Do something that's unusual and different. Something bold. I will admit I love watching Millionaire Matchmaker, so my mind was off in LaLa land thinking that maybe we'd have a date like that. Like take me to a pottery class and play with clay or a picnic on the beach (provided it's not a windy day) or a hot air balloon ride. I mean honestly the possibilities are endless. It just takes some creativity and balls. None the less The idea that it doesn't really matter what we do as long as he gets to see me means a step in the right direction.  


So maybe something will happen tonight or perhaps I'll be waiting till Tuesday.  

5 days to go

I haven't heard from Mama's boy at all so I will say i'm a little nervous. when someone goes silent and you don't hear from them it's possible they are busy which means that there is an increased chance that something is going to get in the way. We were already supposed to go on a date and it didn't happen because he was busy. It sucks I mean there isn't anything i can really do. On my part i've been trying to make sure my shit is together because i don't want anything to stop me from going on this date. Still not sure what i'm going to wear. I might need to go shopping. I don't think my closet has what i need. I'm praying that this goes down. Being built up with anticipation and being let down is such a crappy feeling. It's like crashing.

On a side note, totally different topic(guy) Hoopster and I havent been chatting as much as we were before. And our conversation has changed. Its a lot more dirty and short. I almost get the feeling that the only thing we'd turn into was a hook up. I've been there and done that many times over(and no and i'm not particularly proud of that) but it happens. So I'm currently debating on weather or not to cut my losses now or wait and see? I mean honestly i have no idea what his intensions are. I think its too soon for me to ask. and if it is just a hook up its counter productive to my over all goal.