My weakness

I have a weakness and I'm embarrassed to talk about it, but I can't help myself. So there's a guy I know and talk to and every time he sends me a message on facebook or yahoo I get this big grin on my face. He's out of my league( not like that) but for reasons I'd rather not admit I shouldn't even have contact with him but it kind of makes things a little more exciting. We met what seems like forever ago. It was back when Myspace was still cool. So that has been some time because facebook took over. I came over late at night and he played his guitar for me. It was pretty exciting. Then some other events took place that I would prefer not to discuss at this time and I was hooked.  He's kind of like a drug. I mean I can go without thinking about him and I don't experience withdraw but when he says jump, my next question is 'how high'. now depending on my current situation I don't mind giving in to any requests he has from me. Usually though I do feel the need to make myself unavailable and make him work hard for what it is he wants.There are times that I want him and I can't have him so he should experience the same feelings I do. It's tough when two people work opposite schedules and have different things going on their life.

 He has nice lips, he smells good, an attractive profession, and nice hands just to name a few things i like about him.  He's not the guy I'd marry, but certainly the guy I'd love to have on the side. ssshhh... don't tell anyone.  I've been trying this thing where i've been trying to behave and stuff but this guy makes me want to be bad and I like breaking my own rules for him. Only him though. I have a special spot for him. oh yeah not to mention he's a man with many talents. I like that about a guy. You can't just do one thing in life well.

I'm actually kind of missing him at the moment, I haven't heard from him. But I guess that is to be expected with a busy life and work. Hopefully I've at least crossed his mind once but I know I'm not his one and only, his list is pretty impressive. I don't hate though. I am in need of a fix however.

My Tuesday night

So I nvited 'Country boy' out to the movies. As I stated previously I was trying to be open minded and look past certain flaws. I picked him up because I like to have a certain level of control over things and because I didn't want him to meet my mom yet. He's already met my dad.  I paid for the tickets, which I didn't mind. I felt like I invited you so It's only right that I buy you a movie ticket( mind you it was $5 movie Tuesday so I wasn't exactly breaking the bank).  We went to go see 'Friends with Benefits' How fitting for a first sort of kind of datish thing. It was a little awkward at moments but the movie was hilarious. After the movie is when i realized I just don't think this will work out at all. First of all, I was suffering from an ear infection and I get them more frequently than I would like. Well he's a smoker and smoke makes ear infections & ear aches worse. So when he lit up I was praying that my ear would be fine in the morning. I explained that I needed to keep my right ear away from his smoke, but that's not always easy when you're trying to have a conversation with someone who smokes. So that was of course an issue for me in the back of my mind for the rest of the night.  We drove around for a little after that and we talked about a bunch of random things. He doesn't believe in marriage. He would rather have a common law marriage. He explained that he doesn't want to sign his name to a piece of paper and all that jazz. I DO! I think marriage is a beautiful thing when you find the right person and all the pieces fit. I want to get married, I want to have a ceremony of sorts, and I want to have a certificate that says that I'm married. Call me crazy, maybe I'm old fashion. So I was turned off a little more. 

While we were together I wasn't ready to stop talking and I didn't want to go home yet so we went to walmart. As we walked in the store he said something that I didn't like. " I hate walmart" those are some harsh words. I love walmart. It's amazing. I have so much fun in there and I enjoy that is open 24/7. He claimed that walmart puts 'mom n pop' shops out of business. That's not walmart's fault. Someone saw there was a market for "onestop" shopping. It's a sign of the times. Look at all the things you can bundle now. Home phone, internet, tv, and even cell phones. Insurance company's now specialize in multiple types of coverage so that people can do their business in one place.  People still use the butcher shop and produce markets because they have better quality items. But some people don't care about quality so walmart meat is just fine for them. But I think it's awesome I can buy socks,bread, jewelry, an air filter for my car, and contact solution all in one store. saves gas. saves time. saves money. I wish people would stop hating on walmart. Our society is all about convenience and walmart has mastered that (except in the check out line).  Some times I do agree people need to be reminded that 'mom n pop' shops still exist, but they don't really make themselves known... It's called advertise. Get creative. Sometimes you have to spend money(wisely) to make money.


I don't think I can date someone who doesn't want to get married, hates walmart, smokes, and I met while drinking.  I was really trying here. But its official. He's fun to talk to and we could be friends. I'm not sure how great of friends though. He likes me (I suspect) and that tends to have it's issues when you're friends with someone that likes you or wants to jump your bones. 

They don't make em like this any more...

My father left my my mom a card this morning...

On the envelope it read: Whenever You find this know that at the time it was left it was left with love

Inside the card read: I should tell you more often how much I need to have you near me, how much it means to me to have you sharing my memories and dreams....  I should tell you more often how much I'll always need your helping hand and how much I'll always depend on you for patience and understanding... I should tell you more often that i've always felt our love was meant to be ... but I hope you know, even when I don't say it you are and always will be my one and only love.


I thought it was super cute... I wanted to cry a little

I'm my own worst Enemy

So non-stop i've been thinking about the new guy, let's call him Country Boy, and I'm trying to be open minded. But in the back of my head I have this image of the kind of guys I see myself with, and he doesn't fit the mold.  He makes me laugh and that's a big plus. I like hanging out with him. He gives nice hugs. He smells nice(pre-smoking). But is that enough to have a relationship with? He smokes, and I'm not sure how I feel about that. I've kind of been brushing it off. I mean it could be worse. But I think smoking is such a nasty habit. If it was something you did socially only when you're drinking I could respect that, but on a regular basis? hhhmm not so much. bad breath, yellow teeth, it's bad for your lungs, it stinks up everything about you, like your clothes and your car and maybe even your house. But smoking doesn't make you a bad person. So I'm trying to focus on him as a person. 

My relationships don't ever seem to last long and it's possible that  this could also be one of those things that doesn't last very long. but let's say it does, what if 6 months down the road I realize that this isn't working for me. I mean You don't know until you try. but I have to admit I'm a pretty good at knowing whether something is worth my time.  I don't want to date someone just to date someone. That's a waste of emotions.  I feel a bunch of different emotions all at once. It's really confusing. I don't want to hurt anyone and I don't want to get hurt myself.  But what if it's possible that I could find love in the most unsuspecting person.  I don't want to be that girl only dates a certain type of people and spends her life alone because she's not willing to deviate from the ideal in her head.

Relationships are hard. I'm sure they weren't mean to be easy. If that were the case our divorce rate wouldn't be so high.  I'm been focusing on being open minded and its driving me bonkers because my mind just plays the what if game all day long. But what if I should be less open minded. I've been open minded with all my last boyfriends and that didn't work out for me. But It could have any number of things that went wrong there.  I'm starting to think the perfect guy for me either doesn't exist or he's already taken. Possibly he's just not in Central FL and I need to move. I've been saying there are no good guys left in CFL for awhile. It just might actually be true.

So I was on a roll...

I was on a roll and then i got pulled over and my life feels like it's on hold. So This past Thursday started out great. I woke up and got on the scale and saw that I had lost a total of 11 lbs this summer. I've been good with going to the gym regularly, like 4 times a week at least.  I only do cardio. I haven't lifted at all yet. Eventually I will though.  I went to lunch with the new guy and had a good time. I was headed to go turn my cup of change from my car into money and then I got pulled over. The cop who was in the next lane over ran my tag, just because, and saw that my Driver's License was suspended. So he took my DL and I had to have someone pick me up. LAME!  So for the past couple of days I haven't been able to drive and it really sucks. I hate not being able to just get in my car and go places. My dad had to take me to work Friday and Saturday. I honestly felt like a little kid being dropped off at school. I've been driving for so long it just feels not normal to be driven around everywhere.  It's put me into a funk. I haven't wanted to do much of anything. I'm just hoping that Tomorrow(Monday) that I can get my DL and my life back. I'm missing valuable gym time and since it's currently raining it's not a good time for me to be out walking around my neighborhood.  I just hope I haven't lost my stride. Once I fall off the gym wagon it's hard for me to get back on. 


This whole situation has really sucked. I missed hanging out with my friends Friday night at Ale House and I missed hanging out with my Bestie Saturday night to celebrate her Birthday. UGH! I did make some cupcakes because I had nothing else better to do. Apparently they turned out good. People liked them. Or maybe they didn't want to tell me how much they sucked. I don't know. I'm my own worst critic. So when I tried them, they were just ok. I would make them again but do somethings differently.   

I've had all these things I've wanted to blog about it. But I've been struggling with how much do I say and what do I leave out. This is the internet and once it's out I can't ever take it back. And since my past seems to love me. I don't want to say something now and then later down the road it comes back to haunt me.  I'm sure we're all aware that I'm no angel, but still. There's a lot I don't say because I don't want anyone to think ill of me. sometimes I don't care what others think and sometimes I do. I'm only human.

So i've been talking to this guy

I met this guy out the other night when I was at ale house. He was hanging out with a couple guys I knew from high school. He seemed really into me but he had also consumed a few drinks, which is why I don't really pay attention to guys I meet in bars. I gave him my number because he seemed like cool people and since then we have hung out a few times. He's really easy to talk to and he's funny and seems decent. I like him( I think) I still have my reserves so I'm proceeding with caution. He's not currently working but seeking jobs and he definitely seems to have his head on slightly straight. That's always plus. I really would like to stay away the crazy ones.

I have a lot on my mind about this. He is a nice guy and I don't want to hurt him. I know that is a  horrible thought to have already, but I think I have myself pretty well figured out( possibly) and I know sometimes I get side tracked especially If I start to get bored. I'm not hard to entertain for a short while. I'm just not sure this guy is can go the distance. But I am trying to be open minded and go with it. I havent given up yet before anything happens. 

There is one thing though I don't already like about this guy. He knows something about me from high school that was told to him from people he hung out with in high school. He moved here from Tennessee and went to my High school after I had graduated. I mean he has already expressed that It doesn't bother him. But the thing is something that I would definitely like to get away from. And I would have rather told him about it then him hearing it from other people. In addition the people who he hangs out with know about the story obviously because they told him, and when I'm hanging out with everyone knowing that everyone knows and its still a sore spot for me makes it awkward. I thought I was passed it but apparently not. When I found out he knew I was like FUCK ME!! locker room gossip, it really sucks, especially when it's about you and not for anything good.  Also He smokes. it's such a nasty habit to have. I mean luckily he doesn't smell like a smoker, but at the same token If he has to keep excusing himself to have a smoke it will get annoying. 


Strike 1: I don't like meeting drunk guys in bars
Strike 2: He's a smoker(of both kinds)
Strike 3: He knows something from past I really wish he didn't
Strike 4: He doesn't have a job. 

I think we're off to a great start..... 

Bridal Tv shows

So I've been watching this show on WEtv called 'My big fat gypsy wedding'. The dresses the girls wear are HUGE. I mean Like HUGE. It's an interesting show. I've learned about a culture of people I didn't really know existed. I wouldn't want to be a part of it though. As a woman your role is to get married and stay at home raise the kids and clean the home. Not my ideal situation. I love my freedom and Although I hate my current job, I can't wait to have an actual career. I don't care how much money my husband made I'd have to work. It gives you something to do with your time.  In your spare time you should check out the show. It's pretty crazy.  Here are a few of the dresses.

there motto is, The bigger the better!