I might be doomed ....

Apparently I suck at dating or I have horrible taste in men. Either way I'm Fucked if I plan to get married off one of these days. So as i'm bored laying in my bed because that's the only thing that has been remotely comfortable because my body hates me and decided it wanted to make my life a living hell over the past three weeks. I've been sleeping a lot and just aimlessly lying in bed staring up at my ceiling. I've had all this time to think about my past. I started off sleeping with guys on the first date because I wanted to say a BIG Fuck You! to dating rules. I think it's BS that I would be expected to wait 4 dates or a couple months before sleeping with someone just because some book said that's the rules. FUCK THAT we're all adults here. I want it and he wants it, what's the big deal? Why does everything have to be so damn complicated. I hate the dating game. It blows. So anyways I eventually said well sleeping on the first date isn't really working for me so maybe I should try it the other way. The first time I tried it was with the Scam artist. It was great. I mean I never knew I had enough to control to say 'no'. I was dying though. I really wanted it. But since I thought he was a really great guy I didn't want to risk it. We spent every night together for like a week. No sex. It was actually perfect then he fell off the face of the earth and stopped texting me, calling me, didn't respond to my e-mail either. What a huge blow to my confidence btw.  I didn't want that one experience ruin it for me so I tried it again. I was talking to this guy. We hung out a few times with no sex and then poof he stopped texting me. I have to admit it hurt my feelings. If I sleep with a guy I don't hear from him again but If I don't sleep with a guy  I still don't hear from him again but I guess at least I still have my dignity and that's one less name on "the list".

I find myself confused and pretty hopeless. I mean I'm damned either way which kind of makes it pointless to even pursue.  I'm still trying to be pretty hopeful in the long run maybe all that I've had to endure will pay off and I'll finally meet Mr. Wonderful, but I can't help but get exhausted some times. It's been a really long disappointing  hopeless lonely road.